A Survivor’s Guide: On Relationships
Is it me or do people mostly think of ‘love love’ things when relationships are mentioned? You know, those ‘love love’ things that either lead to grown up things or that are the result of grown up things?
In this guide, I am referring to family, friends, SOs, work colleagues, situationmates, so pretty much any arrangement that makes you relate with others.
- Blood is NOT thicker than water: I think as a personal choice, it is very okay to let your family do whatever they want and get away with it, but what is not okay is making people that have made a choice (for whatever reason), to not talk to/see their family feel like they have failed their city. And in Kampala, we all know someone failing their city doesn’t stop people from living their lives. Try that approach in this case.
- You can only give what you have: There is always that one person, who keeps taking and taking, and you keep giving even when you have nothing left give. It’s nice to always be there for people, ride or die for them, but some people are parasites and will keep taking. So be careful.
- Clarity is important: Being clear helps everyone see better (LOL), and you might not always appreciate that but it saves a lot of hurt ache in the long run. Name calling seems to be here to stay because of the inability to be clear. People are happier when they clear, especially about things like what they want for their birthday and that sort of thing. It might not make you happy at first but you’ll enjoy having done it later.
- There is no winner or loser: Celebrating many anniversaries doesn’t make you a winner, and ending a relationship every other month doesn’t make you a loser. Being close to your family doesn’t make you a star, and only talking to your family on holidays doesn’t make you a disgrace. It’s all about you. If you are happy, you shouldn’t be focusing on who won or lost, otherwise you are playing yourself because no one is competing with you. At least they shouldn’t be.
- Whatever you need to know is right in front of you: If someone treats you like trash, that is how they feel about you. Dysfunctional is NOT the new normal, people that care will go out of their way to show you, make the time and share what they have even when they belong to #500KTwitter. If you feel the need to check someone’s phone, you probably don’t need to. It’s not rocket science, and even if it were, someone that cares enough will find a way of using a language that you understand.
- You’re going to be okay: Many of the decisions people make are based on the need to have someone in their life at any time t. As such, this decision might not be in their best interest. Take your time to arrive at a decision, but when you make it, no matter how difficult/tough it is, be sure to know that you are going to be okay.
The same way you make a wardrobe clean up, you should clean up your relationships and only remain with those that you need.