Scared

I am scared – and I don’t scare easily, or so I’d like to believe.

I think it’s okay though. Whether I am scared because it’s justifiable or whether it’s because I scare easily. The fact is that I am scared. And that is what will influence many of my decisions.

It’s about two weeks to the elections, and that scares me. Not actively like when I wake up or when I am working on one of the many reports that I am responsible for. The fear comes in the small moments, like when I am waiting for that Pana hotdog at 0000hrs. Or when I am deciding on whether to have the fifth pair of sausages at Legends. It’s in those moments.

Not the kind of scared you feel when you trust someone with your deepest secret, or let them in through all the barriers you spent years putting up. Those ones you can deal with, at least you have had practice over the years, and practice does make perfect after all.

I was legible to vote during the last round of elections in 2011 but I didn’t have votability, so I didn’t vote. This year, I have votability but I am still not sure about whether I will vote. Although a part of me believes that that’s a better answer for society because I am pretty sure I will not step out of my house come 18th February, 2016. Not to vote anyway.

People who are scared do stupid things -Trevor Noah (Lost in Translation)

Sometimes I wonder. Whether the malls will be in the same state after elections. Whether people will be able to walk around freely. Whether the financial planners will finally sign off on those budgets as they have been promising. Whether any of that will matter.

I can’t help but be scared of the possibility that my being scared is unnecessary. That would be the scariest thing.