Valentine’s Series: Day Five: Faded.
I pick up the phone and make a call, bursting with so much anger it can be heard in my voice; ‘you said you’d be here in 5 minutes and that was an hour ago’. ‘Baiiibe, I am on a bajaj, I will be there in less than 2 minutes’ I hear on the other end of the phone and a piece of me dies inside.
I don’t know why I even bother with you anymore because all the signs show that you have moved on. This is the nth time you have made me wait for you hours on end yet you said that you would be there in 5, and I have lost track of what number n is.
You still have the same job so I am baffled by the fact that all you seem to do of late is work. You even cancelled the Lantern Meet recital at last minute because you got a work emergency yet you know how I hate to attend events by myself.
I refuse to believe that I am being THAT girl, the one that wants a guy’s attention every second of every day and will do anything to get it. I however deserve some respect Goddamit, I am someone’s daughter. That‘s not asking for a lot, is it?
Sometimes I think to myself and wonder what could have gone wrong? Where is the amazing Nev who used to pass by my workplace with a bar of Twix and a speech to convince me that I will not gain weight from eating it even when we both knew that was a lie?
When what used to be the primary source of your happiness brings you nothing but sadness, how are you expected to wake up every day and act as though nothing was wrong? May be it was not meant to be but does it have to be this painful? There has to be a more civil way of doing things.
I see how you look at the waitresses when they come to take our order these days, and I ask myself ‘were we always served by waiters?’ Out of the blue, you are always complaining about how loud I am yet I have actually reduced the volume at which I speak because I did not want to embarrass you.
Woe unto the person that said February is the month of love because all it has brought me is misery. Like the Black Eyed Peas sang, ‘Where is the love?’ I used to think ‘rainbow’ when I thought about us but now all I see is faded colors and not the good kind that is tie and die but the kind that jeans get when they are shouting for retirement.
I don’t know what went wrong but somewhere along the way we faded, and I can’t seem to find a way to fix it; heaven knows I have tried.
I despair at the thought of losing you, but it looks like I have lost this battle.