This is an insight so may be hopefully eventually people will stop arguing when I shrug off their apologies and tell them that I am not surprised by what they have done (Please, like I have the balls to say that to anyone, I only think it)
Of late on many occasions I am ALWAYS thinking two things along with the other things that are going on in my mind; 1. I can’t imagine how anyone in my life who hasn’t watched Supernatural is dealing. 2. There is LITERALLY a lesson from every episode so I basically have no choice but use them. Now that that’s out of the way, I can get back to the mulamwa (Hey, Toniks *wink wink*) at hand.
The episode where Sammie had a million and ten Tuesdays and no matter what he did, Dean always ended up dying, yet he kept on trying to save Dean even when it became evident what the end would be.
What do I do with the knowledge that people will ALWAYS let you down? Do I go on to give them a chance even when I know the end of the movie and may be become an ‘I told you so’ person? Does that then make me the fool for putting myself in the path of betrayal, pain and lots of misery? Am I not better off not putting myself through all that because I know how it all ends?
When Dean from 2009 meets the Dean from 2014 and gets to see what happens then because of choices he made in the past but neither gives Arch Angel Michael permission to use his body as a vessel nor makes plans to kill Sammie when he is brought back to the present, I do NOT know what to think. He has a chance to change the future and as far as I have watched he hasn’t.
I know for a fact that people are trouble and as far as I can tell, that’s not about to change (Yes, I know we all try very hard and even have the best intentions but the reality is sadly not based on intentions) yet every other day I put my fate in the hands of these people. I go ahead to share my secrets with said people, to love them as much as I can anyway very well knowing that they will wake up one day and want nothing to do with me.
My dilemma is that if I do not do that, all the things that make me human will slowly but surely become but a memory to me and then what is the point?
Is all the pain and bad memories worth it to preserve my humanity? What really is humanity if it cannot ensure that I do not suffer? What is the point of the humanity? Am I leading myself on a fool’s errand?
Where can I find the answers Dammit?