Sooooo, I’ve been thinking…. Part 1


Let the record show that I did not write this particular piece willingly but recent events had other plans in mind so I decided to work on a mini series.
From the title, it is clear that nothing is going to make sense Right? As long as we have that out of the way because I wouldn’t want for any miscommunication to be a part of this mix which already has more than enough going on.
I am trying to lose weight which decision was motivated by 3 reasons;
1.      40%: I believe that now is the time I will ever be most able to actively do anything about my weight something to do with responsibilities increasing the older we get or smfn like that.
2.       12%: I am tired of wailing about the issue because I am positive that there are people who would like to Loki me every time I talk about my weight.
3.      48%: Twitter and imma explain why in a bit.
As a result, my determined self jogs every morning, goes to the gym and for a swim most Saturdays while fighting the urge to weigh myself every other second because I am actually not losing any kilograms even though my jeans are now ill fitting so I am that awkward girl that’s always kusikaring them. Apparently it’s because I am losing fat and not weight. Yup, weeks later and it still makes no sense to me. When I heard that explanation for the first time I was in shock thinking ‘There’s a difference between fat and weight, huh?’ I explained my desire to lose weight to the gym instructor and until last weekend I thought we were on the same page. She explained the entire process to me when I first went to the gym, something about the work outs becoming more intense as we went on and of course I okayed that because I gats to be small Baiiiiiiibe. After last Saturday’s session, I felt like I had been Lokid because there was pain everywhere that at any one time I could not tell where exactly the pain was coming from. Why would I put myself through that you ask? The answer is Twitter. There are many people who would notice IF *tubizaayo* I gained weight but would allow me to continue to exist in peace but tweeps will NEVER let one Prosper. I honestly want to write my Prosperity email to Barclays *Wait, is the campaign still running?* so that I can move on with my life. Someone I follow spent an entire day insulting fat b*****s and at one point I went through the motions of what I would have done if I was ‘fat’. Okay, it is in quotes because every time I talk to somebody about how fat I am and would like to become much smaller *which is all the time*, they are quick to share their opinion about how my size is okay (whatever that means) and things along those lines. Somewhere along the way, we got into a space where we meet the people we interact with online so if said people met me and I happened to be fat, they would go on to make my life impossible online. Many people can deal with that and mind their shit or insist that it’s never that serious, sadly I am not many people. So as I go through this pain, I have to remember this is the price I have to pay if I want to have a twitter account which has many advantages. I mean, how easy has the stalking business become? Also committing twicide*closing one’s twitter account* is NOT on my bucket list so tinenda!
The thinking here that keeps me awake many a night is whether the price I pay every day for being disciplined is worth it. Ene who, I berra have a bikini body come December plus I need to get that naval piercing sooner rather than later.
23 Lessons in 23 Years: Lesson 10- Avoid old people, unless you can’t!
Would you date/sumash an office messenger?

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