It’s funny that I am so excited to write this yet I happen to be in so much pain.
But for me that’s not an issue.
The issue here is that I’m writing again, Whoop Whoop.
All of a sudden, I feel a sharp pain in my stomach and realize that I’m awake.
I check my phone and see it is only 5:30 am.
The pain is almost unbearable but then if that were the case, I’d be screaming at the top of my lungs waking my roommate and as many neighbors as I can.
I then realize it’s probably all happening in my head, mostly at least.
I have this theory; actually I sort of got it from Trevor Noah, that if one is dramatic even their minds see things that way.
Let’s just say that drama and I are sewn from the same cloth.
As I was still saying, the pain that feels unbearable really is not since I appear to be coping in silence.
But I am happy, because at least I get to feel.
For a while now, I have been coping by numbing the pain and the memories, lashing out when I can to the chosen few, silent treatment even.
This morning however, I can feel the pain.
It actually hurts pretty bad but I’m glad.
I realize that I miss feeling genuinely, not the usual ‘Keep smiling Pearl’ chant that I murmur when I am around most people, and for me that’s a definite win.
So as I assess the severity of my condition, I realize that I thank God for the pain this morning.